Bukkake Party In A Chrysler – How Many Dwarves Have I Got To Throw At This Dart Board To Get a Shot Of Tequila? (album review)

OK, so I wasn’t really sure what I was going to get here, never heard of the band (which I will refer to as BPIAC to save me stressing every time I have to spell Chrysler). I looked at the info and noticed the small print that read “Written And Recorded In 4 Hours in a Bedroom in Mountain Ash”. OK, now I sort of knew what I was expecting. A spontaneous and stolen out pouring of creativity and art, snatched in a bedroom at a time where such a thing would certainly have the Facebook neighbours curtain’s twitching, if not being totally verboten by the authorities.

I wasn’t disappointed. First song “Darlows” bravely starts off with a drum intro that was occasionally knocked into time by the vibrations made by Cozy Powell and John Bonham spinning in their graves. Doesn’t matter. I’m still tapping my foot to it and singing along with the absurd chorus refrain of “You can come and see my fucking ‘ouse, you can” (it could well be “you cunt”, I don’t know, I’ve never used Darlows). My instinct is it’s pretty much improvised from start to finish and it’s fun, catchy and great. It’s the very definition of DIY Punk Rock attitude, even if the 2nd song “Spanner” gives us an instrumental so heavy you could fill a man’s shoes with it to make him sleep with the fishes.

When the Dead Kennedys were at their peak in the late 70’s/early 80s Legendary frontman Jello Biafra did a 4 song EP with Christian Lunch and one of the guys from Mott The Hoople. On the album insert it says “this album was recorded and written in 4 hours. We drank until we passed out and only the drum machine was left”. BPIAC reminds me a lot of that EP. Every song has a different feel. It’s anarchic, fresh and wonderful. “Weapon For My Lover” really rocks along with a great feel for how to put space in riffs to give them power. It’s catchy and will have you nodding your head, tapping your foot, singing along, all that good shit.

I don’t know if this is a bedroom project only or a continuing band, I know guitarist/drummer/bass player on here Brill is already a busy boy. There are some great riffs and song structures on this album though that deserve to be heard. And you know what? If you listen to it and hate it, good. That means you probably deserve to hear it more than anyone. This is the sound of what happens when you lock up musicians in their bedrooms and tell them they aren’t allowed to play. Put it on repeat.

Toward the end of the album Sparkly, Sparkly Long Hair features guest vocalists “Danny Death” and “Gutteral Fuck”. I don’t know who either of those gentlemen are, but they make a fantastically horrible noise together, I have no idea what’s irked either of them so, and I get the feeling I probably wouldn’t want to know. At the end of the song someone, presumably along suffering girlfriend/wife or concerned passer by shouts “shut the fuck up!” and I would imagine she makes a very strong case. Having recently recorded a vocal in someone’s garage and screaming “I’LL NEVER FORGET YOU!” over and over again to the confused horror of a local neighbour who was nosing through the window, I like to imagine the recording of this was littered with shouts of “shut the fuck up” and having edited most out, this was the only one they missed.

Another guest vocalist comes next on “No Hi-Hat” and “A Pocket Full Of Ground” ft. Donni Denture. It’s a slow, doom metal type of number. Reminds me a little of some of Al Jourgensen’s offshoot projects Revolting Cocks or Acid Horse. The last song on the album is the strongest by far, it’s got a great, clever riff to open and is a really well written and structured song. Give this a listen, it’s well worth your time to hear what can be produced in 4 hours. I’d love to hear more from this band and what they could do with these riffs and ideas in a proper studio or live scenario. Cracking stuff.

“How Many Dwarves Have I Got To Throw At This Dart Board To Get a Shot Of Tequila?” is out now on Bandcamp, the link for which can be found directly below. The band, who appear to be a bit of a mystery, seemingly can’t be located on social media at time of writing!

https://bukkakepartyinachrysler.bandcamp.com/album/how-many-dwarves-have-i-got-to-throw-at-this-dart-board-to-get-a-shot-of-sambuca

Simon Cullen – 11/05/2021

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